Operation: Finding Rinoa
by killerqueen-underpressure
Summary: He will do everything in his power just to see her smile one more time but it's hard when what is remaining is a shell of who she used to be. Squinoa. The Successor Challenge.
1. Chapter I

**Disclaimer: Jeez, it's been forever since I've said this but I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of it's characters and locations.**

 **Please enjoy, read and review. I'm uber rusty. Keep noted that this is for the The Successor Challenge for the month of August 2015. Yes, it seems super sad and depressing in this chapter, but it gets better and more sappy. I promise!**

* * *

It happened the same way every time, yet somehow it always hurt just the same. The first time was the worst – he was gone three weeks in Esthar negotiating her freedom and rights as a sorceress. He wasn't allowed to speak to her for the duration of the trip and she sat at the mercy of her television screen every time the subject scrolled across the bottom edge.

She cried when he left and she cried when he came home. She would sulk each time he received the news at work because although their apartment is small, it's empty without the fresh smell off his body wash and aftershave.

Rinoa's gotten used to his smell, his gloveless touch and his consistent presence in their home but she knew that eventually it would happen again.

Her ideas are confirmed when she hears the door close with a light click. Normally, Squall either slams the door or at least makes a louder noise because he's beyond thankful to be within the four walls of their small flat and away from the paperwork that Cid is too lazy to do. He always calls for her and walks into the kitchen to see what's for dinner.

But it happens the same way every time and it always starts with a silent entrance and a gentle click.

Rinoa knows he's home because she feels the January wind flow through the door. Her hair stands on end and she wraps her sweater tighter around her. She can hear Squall's footsteps over the sizzling of the vegetables in the frying pan. When he presses against her, snaking his arms around her waist, she sighs and reaches for the sauce beside the stove.

"How long?"

"Three days."

"Where?"

"Dollet. I leave tomorrow night."

Too much of the liquid falls into the pan and it splatters across the white surface of the stove. Rinoa mutters several curses under her breath, misdirecting her anger at the mess on the stove instead of at the correct source: the distance that would be between her and her Knight. At that moment, Squall swipes the stove with a wet cloth, nudging Rinoa aside so she could go sit down. He takes over the cooking while Rinoa pulls her knees up to her chest on the small dining room chair ten feet away.

"I thought you told Cid about last minute business trips?" Rinoa rubs the heels of her feet against the edge of the chair, relieving whatever pressure had been built up from being on her feet for the past thirty minutes of cooking. Squall had always told her to wear slippers, that they're comfortable and better for her feet, but Rinoa preferred to go barefoot since she had done it for ages.

She hates it when he leaves, though, even if it's for a couple of days.

The house is empty and lifeless aside from her and Angelo. She would invite Selphie or Quistis over for dinner, or even to stay the night, but she always feels like such a burden. Besides, perhaps a sleepover at twenty-two years of age is a bit much…all they would do is sit around, drink some cheap wine and watch movies that were the worst rated on television but Rinoa is always afraid that she'll bring them down to where she is in this moment in time.

Lately life has been staying still. She became so used to the upbeat pace of life during and a couple year post war that life now seems to be completely stagnant. Rinoa spends her days at her computer in her and Squall's bedroom, writing her novellas that manage to get her mind out of a depressive state. She writes beneath a penname so her writing sells efficiently; people definitely still wouldn't buy from a sorceress although she had been deemed safe for years at this point. She has three books under her belt as well as an anonymous advice column in the Balamb Bay. All of this is a source of income for her, and it makes things easier especially when she substitutes at Balamb to teach magic classes, but it's not the same, and it's not consistent, and she likes her life to be that way. The years of the inefficient life-style, going to bars and fighting battles beside her friends was over. She wants a normal life with a normal flow and it doesn't seem to be happening for her.

All Rinoa hears is a soft monotone hum now. Everything is the same, everything is empty. Everyone is moving forward with their lives and it's like she's miles behind in a pool of quicksand.

"…And so he thought it was acceptable to book me last minute."

Coming out of her fog, Rinoa's nose fills with the spicy sweet smell of the chicken stir fry with far too much sauce. Squall places a bowl in front of her and hands her a fork but she just stares at the food, unaroused by its appearance.

"Are you going to eat?"

Rinoa keeps her eyes fixated on the edge of the plate; she doesn't know why but it seems like the easiest and cleanest part of the plate to look at.

"Did you take your medicine today?"

Rinoa looks up, glaring at her partner. "Of course I took my medicine today."

Squall stabs a snap pea with his fork, placing it in his mouth without removing his eyes from his girlfriend. At this point, after being together for four years, they knew each other inside and out. The way Rinoa has been acting these past couple months definitely wasn't the Rinoa he knew and had fallen in love with all those years ago. He looks at her now as if she's a husk of someone he once knew; she doesn't smile like she used to – with the light and the sparkle in her eyes. She wouldn't laugh at the things she normally laughed at and when he started to come home to less and less baked goods, he felt like something was off. One day he found her in the bathtub, just staring lifelessly at her toes peeking out from under the bubbles.

"My life isn't moving," she had said as he knelt beside her, taking her hand. He saw her chin grinding back and forth, her teeth whining from within her mouth at the sudden pressure from trying not to cry, "I feel…stuck…and worthless."

He had pulled her out of the bath, wrapping her in a towel and laying her in bed. He's her knight and he had to do everything in his power to get her back to who she truly is. He got her her favorite dinner that night, watched her favorite movie with her and let her sleep on his chest although she knew he couldn't sleep like that because it hurt his shoulder.

All he felt was the heat from her tears pool on his shoulder. He took her to Dr. Kadowaki the next day and she was put on medication.

Now he monitors her and makes sure she eats at least two meals a day. He knows she spends most of her days writing because that's all what seems to make her happy these days. Well, that and sleeping. He makes sure she doesn't sleep too much so she doesn't get accustomed to escaping her problems. She seems to be getting better; she's cooking more and sometimes smiling more. It's when he needs to come home and tell her that he's going to be gone when he gets worried.

No one else knows about her condition. She's good at faking around others that don't know her as well as he does.

"I didn't mean to upset you." He replies to her, keeping his eyes fixated at her. He knows she's going to put a piece of meat on her fork and pop it in her mouth because she's been playing with the same piece for at least two minutes now. To his prediction, she does, and chews it thoroughly before swallowing. "You baked today." He nudges his head towards the plate of cookies that were on the counter, covered in a piece of paper towel.

Rinoa nods, "I wanted something sweet. I figured you wouldn't object since you haven't had my cranberry chocolate cookies in a while." She musters a smile, kicking his foot gently beneath the second-hand kitchen table. "I know how much you love them."

"Very true." Squall finishes the last of his stir fry before walking over to the kitchen sink, mentally noting that they really need a dish washer since Rinoa had piled up a stack of dishes from her baking escapade. He rinses his bowl off, washes it and places it in the rack before resuming the same routine with the pots and pans and baking utensils. Behind him, Rinoa still pushes around her food, every so often placing a piece in her mouth and chewing. The two do this in silence; Squall thinks about how Rinoa will be without him and Rinoa wonders if she'll be okay without constant supervision.

She hates being supervised – making sure she eats, sometimes even showering because some days she just doesn't want to get out of bed. She knows she can do it on her own but at this point there are times where she just doesn't want to. She'll go through during the day without Squall telling her what to do and most of the time she's fine, but other times she just really wants him there. Not even telling her what to do or checking if she's okay, but just his presence is enough to make her want to keep going.

Sometimes she thinks it's too much for him. He has a lot going on with running the Garden, doing paperwork, sometimes running SeeD courses and business trips. And now with her mental state, it's another job to add to his plate. She knows he doesn't look at it like that; he's softened up a lot since her breakdown in the bathtub months ago. Around her he takes a caretaker role and while she appreciates it, she can't help but feel like she's not worth it and that he would be better off with someone else.

She had mentioned that once, picking at a piece of cake that he had picked up for her. She remembers Squall placing down his piece of lemon poke cake, turning around once he had paused the movie they were watching. He took her hands, stared into her eyes with this icy gaze that was a mixture between anger and sadness, "Don't you ever say that again, understand?"

When she starts to think like that – that he's better off without her or that she's better off somewhere else entirely – she thinks about that moment and how sad his eyes were. She still sees it sometimes when she doesn't eat or when he wakes her up at 6pm when he gets home from work and she tells him she slept all day. She hates that sadness and one would think that that would be enough for her to snap out of whatever this funk she's in, but it's not. To her, it seems like it'll never go away.

"I'm tired of fighting," she mumbles, placing another piece of chicken in her mouth followed by a carrot. "I'm just tired, Squall."

She places her fork down, pushes her plate away and pulls her knees back up to her chest. Rinoa's forehead falls against the top of her thighs, biting her bottom lip as she sees Squall walking towards her.

"I'm tired of forcing myself to eat when I'm not hungry, and to stay awake when I just want to sleep. I want my life back…"

Squall leaves her dirty plate on the table, making a mental note to clean it in the morning when he woke up, before scooping up Rinoa in his arms and carrying her upstairs.

Nothing he was doing was seeming to work and he is growing more and more restless with each passing day. He tries to take off days to spend with her but most days she either sleeps or writes and doesn't interact with him. He took her to Dr. Kadowaki for medicine and if anything it seems to make her like a zombie. He takes care of her like she's dying but he knows that if anything, she needs him there now more than ever. She needs him more than she needed him the moment she knew she became a sorceress when she sat on his lap in the Ragnarok. But she's so easy to irritate and upset that he's walking on eggshells the moment he enters their apartment. He hates it and he hates how he's getting so fed up of having to be like this, but he has to because he wants his Rinoa back.

No one else knows about the strain her mental health is having on their relationship. Quistis, of course, has an inkling but she won't mention it. Squall's noticed that she will ask more about Rinoa when she doesn't show up at Garden for a couple days for their group lunch. She also keeps her eyes on him when he shrugs, avoiding the subject. Everyone else seems to be clueless. Irvine just insists that they're having a lack of bedroom time – with a wink, of course. Selphie always giggles and Zell most of the time isn't paying attention. Squall prefers to keep the situation to himself anyways because he knows that Rinoa doesn't want anyone else knowing either.

He carries her up the stairs, her arms tightened around his strong neck to the point where he may have passed out from a lack of oxygen. She wants him close. He knew that much when he laid her in bed and she cuddled right up beside him. Squall puts the TV on, knowing she likes the extra light before he pulls the covers over them. Angelo jumps on the bed at their feet, whining at his mother curled up into Squall's frame.

I know, Angelo, Squall ponders, feeling Rinoa's haggard breathing on his neck, I don't like this either.

"I'm tired of fighting…" was all she said the rest of the night, over and over again before she eventually fell asleep on her Knight. Her breathing evened out, got deeper as she falls into a relaxing sleep. Squall draws his fingertips on her back like she likes even though her consciousness is dreaming, but he wants to do all he can to make her smile – even if it's for a split second.

He manages to get away around 3am to do his laundry for his business trip. Squall knows he's not going to be able to sleep because of Rinoa's minor break down. He stays in the basement for a while, listening to the hum of the washing machine and dryer, wondering if there is anything he can do at all to get his girlfriend back.

* * *

He kisses her goodbye the next night at the ship dock in Balamb and holds her as tight as he can without breaking her small frame. Rinoa holds him tight, nuzzling her head in his strong shoulder, pressing her lips to his neck.

"I'll be back in a couple days," he says, brushing her hair out of her eyes with his gloved hand, "I want you to call me if you need anything, no matter how small it is."

Rinoa assembles what Squall calls a 'fake smile,' a smile that could have fooled anyone but him. "I know. I love you."

Squall smiles honestly, brushing his lips with hers for a final time before the ships door opens, "I love you too. I'll see you soon."

She watches him board the ship with a few other SeeD's and when the door closes, Rinoa feels her heart sink deep into her stomach. She feels heavy and empty and like she can't breathe although there is an abundant amount of fresh sea air around her. Turning on her heels, she walks back to their beginner home with the moonlight as her only source of light.

Rinoa notes the cobblestone, how it's so jagged and unkept but still beautiful and reliable. She begins to think if that's how she should begin to think of herself – that she's not going to change, that she's going to be this way forever and she might as well find some beauty in her situation. However there is no beauty in struggling every day with your mind and your heart. She's tired. No matter how many times she says it, she feels like she can't say it enough to actually make Squall understand how truly exhausted she is with her monsters in her head.

Angelo welcomes her home with the scampering of his feet. Rinoa truly smiles, kneeling down and petting the collie and giving him a kiss, "It's you and me, boy. I wonder what we should have for dinner…" Rinoa kicks off her boots and walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge door and pulling out a bottle of half empty red wine. She pours herself a glass and continues looking, leaning against the door with a sigh when she realizes that she really doesn't feel like cooking. Or cleaning. Or doing anything for that matter.

"How about pizza? You haven't had pizza in a while, huh?" She speaks to Angelo, grabbing her cell phone and ordering pizza from a small pizzeria that delivers from down the street. Rinoa remembers her first night here with Squall; they had ordered pizza from there and they both fell in love with it. There was boxes everywhere filled with their things to the brim and Angelo was sniffing around wondering if this was going to be his new home. The three of them had pizza, watched horrible cable television and fell asleep on the couch.

Rinoa curls up on the couch with a blanket before Angelo jumps up at her feet. He places his head on her knees and she smiles, scratching him behind his ears. "I guess this isn't so bad…" she says, "It's just…quiet."

The only company Rinoa receives that night is the company of the pizza delivery guy for about three minutes. Aside from that, it's her and Angelo in the small living room, cuddled up in the blanket that somehow begins to smell like Squall. Her heart hurts the entire time and her head pounds with the severity of ten thousand drums. She hasn't heard from him yet, and she knows she won't unless she reaches out first.

Her cell phone is next to her. No light is blinking to signify that she has a message. Her mouth moves to the side with a pucker of her lips. This sucks, she says to herself.

The pizza box is left on the end table in front of the sofa as she climbs the stairs to her bedroom with the blanket from the couch. Angelo follows her and jumps on the bed, instantly curling up in a ball in his designated spot. Rinoa gets under the covers after she lays the blanket over the top of the comforter, curling up in a fetal position facing where Squall would lay.

She cries that night. She always cries when he leaves. It's always the same each time. However she never would have thought she would feel some sort of relief when she gazes at the outline of her medication bottle on the table beside the bed.

No, she says to herself, closing her eyes. I'm not like that, she repeats, her breathing becoming harder and harder.

I won't.

* * *

It's been one night without him. Rinoa doesn't know how she feels most of the time – there are some times when she feels fine and is functioning and sometimes even bouncing around with Angelo at her heels, but other times she's dragging across the floor with her nails being the only thing pulling her. She woke up this morning with a drive and a passion which is something she hadn't felt in a while, so she grabbed her laptop and Angelo's leash and set off for Garden around approximately 10am.

The walk is soothing for her. Dr. Kadowaki always said that fresh air would definitely help her mood and today she actually believed it. The sea is running it's white frothy fingertips across the sand and making the sound that Rinoa had listened to so many nights when she couldn't sleep. Her eyes are glued to the never-ended blue that just seemed to blend in so well with the sky; it's calming, and serene and her soul aches for something so beautiful for the first time in forever.

Garden was finally stationed in the pit that the missiles had left. Cid had decided at the end of the war that it was not safe to have the Garden constantly in motion, so once the pit was deemed safe to have the Garden rest in its original home, it was evacuated and then planted where it has remained ever since. Other than the constant moving around until that point, the Garden remained untouched and safe. Ever since the war there had actually been an influx of students which was surprising to many people.

Rinoa had guessed that people had heard about Squall and his heroic nature and wanted to be 'just like him,' therefore going to Balamb Garden where he had attended and now Commands makes sense. When she would see students on their first days she would overhear them talking about him, sometimes her and the rest of the group and how 'awesome' and 'brave' they are and how they 'couldn't believe that they went here.'

Now she thinks it's silly, calling them heroes. At first when it was all over she thought it was definitely a well-deserved title – especially for Squall since he was their leader. Once the group had all sat down and talked about it, how things were different now that they were known as the group that killed the sorceress. She remembers Quistis' voice: "We were honestly at the right places at the right time and Cid trusted us. We just carried out orders and were doing our job."

She giggles to herself when she remembers Squall's response, "I was under contract the entire time. I had no choice if Rinoa wanted to go, I had to do. Cid just made it worse." He had nudged her under the table and held her hand. Squall thought he was being so secretive but everyone knew that his hand was over hers beneath the layer of wood.

"Rinny!" Selphie exclaims, immediately running up to the girl and engulfing her in a huge hug, "We missed you! Are you here for lunch?"

Rinoa looks around, not even noticing that she had already made it inside of the Garden and to the Cafeteria. The group is already sitting at their designated table in the corner next to the students who are playing Triple Traid. I guess living inside of your own head most of the time makes time in the real world fly, she says to herself, following Selphie to their table and sitting down once her backpack is slugged onto the floor. Rinoa unhooks Angelo's leash, letting him make his rounds to his friends at the table.

"We haven't seen you in a while," Quistis observes, pushing around a piece of her salad as she looks at the girl. She's concerned, but doesn't want to make it look like she's concerned. Rinoa notes that she's bad at it, "Are you doing okay?"

Rinoa nods, giving a half fake-smile before pulling her fruit salad out of her backpack, "Yeah, I've just bene cooped up working on my next book. That's all." She tries to smile more, attempting to throw Quistis off of her trail. Rinoa knows it's not going to work. Quistis is too smart for that kind of behavior.

Irvine is multitasking by playing on his mobile phone and eating a sandwich at the same time. Zell has a plate of four hot dogs in front of him and another half is being shoved into his mouth. Rinoa sighs, feeling at ease with the gentle hum of the students buzzing in and out of the cafeteria. She hadn't been here in a while but it's somewhat comforting to actually be around people she knows who care and out of her bedroom.

She knows they care but she wouldn't dare tell them about her current situation.

She doesn't want their pity.

"What's the next book about?" Irvine asks, flashing her a smile, "I have the past three autographed. I can't wait for the fourth one."

"Do you even read them?" Zell asks, raising an eyebrow. Irvine looks at him, puzzled, before shrugging.

"I try to but then Selphie decides she wants -."

"Hey!" Selphie exclaims, reaching across the table and slapping Irvine's shoulder. "I do NOT!"

"Calm down you two," Quistis says with a sigh. She has half of a smirk on her face and the other is embarrassment because Selphie tends to yell pretty loud when Irvine pushes her buttons. "Selphie, sit down."

Rinoa smiles to herself, puncturing a strawberry slice with her fork and eating it. She feels Angelo at her feet and his tongue brushing against her ankle. It's sweet how he knows, she says to herself, it's almost as if he's checking on me.

"Are you going to tell us then?"

"Huh?" Rinoa looks up to see Irvine looking at her, smirking. Quistis keeps her eyes on Rinoa and her head rested on the palm of her hand. Selphie's eyes are darting between all of them, happy that Rinoa is actually here for lunch for the first time in weeks.

"Are you going to tell us what the new book is about?"

"Oh!" She nods, putting another piece of fruit in her mouth, "My publisher won't let me give exact details but I can give you the jist of it."

Irvine nods and all of them watch her as she pulls out her laptop. She doesn't like the feeling of being watched and she knows that they're doing it because they're genuinely interested in her new book, but she feels like they're all reading her and judging her and –

"So it's about this girl, she's actually briefly mentioned in one of the earlier books but I can't say. And she has this soul eater attached to her that makes her kind of…not really herself. The entire thing is about her learning about it and defeating it."

"Ooooooh!" Selphie shouts, placing her hands together with a clap, "It sounds so good! Do you have a title?"

Rinoa shakes her head, "Not yet. I always write before putting a title on things. It makes it easier."

Quistis jumps in, "What does Squall think of it?"

She goes silent. She actually hasn't told Squall what her book is about because she's been too busy either crying or sleeping or trying to function normally. Her heart sinks deeper inside of her, wondering where time has gone and finally realizing how much this damn diagnosis has changed her. Rinoa always tells Squall her ideas, bounces outlines off of him and makes him a big part of her books. Hell, the introduction always thanks him right at the end. He hasn't been a part of this one and it's half way done…

What have I done, she berates herself, who am I?

"Rinoa?"

She looks up, seeing that look in Quistis' eyes like she's placing a scan spell on her to see what's going on in her head. "Sorry, what?"

Quistis places down her fork and puts the lid on her salad, "I asked if Squall knows about the book plot."

"Did you tell us before him?" Irvine questions, "You always tell him first."

The questions weigh heavily on her. She knows it's not their fault but she feels her breathing getting heavier. Her head starts to pound and Angelo whines under the table because he sees her foot bouncing up and down. This is the first time in weeks she has sat down with her friends at lunch and she just feels like she doesn't belong there anymore. The old Rinoa would have belonged – would have laughed and played with Selphie and would have told Quistis to stop being such a buzzkill. She would have laughed at Zell choking on his fifth hot dog and rolled her eyes at Irvine making yet another sexual innuendo. Instead she's focusing on keeping her cool and her breathing steady so she doesn't look out of the ordinary.

She knows it's failing. They're all too smart and know her too well. There's even the faintest hint of worry in Selphie's eyes and she's the most carefree out of them all. Zell notices her behavior because his eating has slowed and Irvine has been looking up carefully from his phone so their eyes don't meet. Quistis isn't so secretive about it. Perhaps she wants Rinoa to know but Rinoa just wants to know what she can do to bring her old self back.

"Yeah I ah…" she fidgets with her food, pushing around a piece of watermelon, "He's just been so busy with paperwork. I'm normally in bed when he gets home…"

That sounds believable, right?

They all nod in unison and Rinoa gets up, stuffing her laptop in her bag with her fruit salad. Angelo walks out from beneath the table and sits in front of her, waiting for her to put his leash on. "I'm going to the library to write."

"Okay, we love you, Rinoa."

Quistis' voice hits Rinoa like a punch in the stomach. Her body was turned against them so they didn't see the way her face scrunches up to fight back the heat behind her eyes. She squeezes out a 'thanks' before walking out of the Cafeteria and out of Balamb Garden as a whole.

Her head hangs down the entire time. Her eyes are fixated on the concrete trail from Balamb to Garden instead of the ocean that she had loved watching on the way over. Her eyes didn't leave the ground the entire way to the apartment.

When Rinoa and Angelo walk through the door, Angelo is freed from his leash and Rinoa walks up the stairs to the bedroom. She spends the remainder of the night fading in and out of sleep – some tears falling occasionally and other times her sadness presented itself as a lump in her throat.

Who had she become? She's a shell of who she used to be. She desperately wants her old self back but she feels like it's hopeless…that she'll never be that person again.

Her eyes fixate on the orange bottle in front of her. It's almost as if she's in a trance; like she's possessed as she reaches forward and reads the dosage. In her phone she taps in her weight, her height, and a single question that's answered within seconds.

With shaking hands, the pills are spilled out in front of her and she counts.

"What am I doing…" she asks herself, looking at the twenty seven pills it would take for her to just sleep soundly for once. Her arms wrap around herself as she shakes, her head hung low. "What am I doing…"

With a heavy, loud heart, Rinoa places the pills back in the bottle and grabs Squall's sweatshirt. She pulls it over her head, grabs her cell phone and leaves the apartment in the depth of the night.

I need help, she says to herself, walking at a fast pace to Garden, and I need it right now.

* * *

Matron awoke with a jump at the sound of a loud bang at the door. Of course, Cid sleeps through it but her senses were too sharp to not hear something so boisterous. She slides on a robe and slippers before walking to the door, opening it to find a shaken and crying Rinoa.

"My dear," she says, pulling the young sorceress into her arms, "What's wrong?"

Rinoa cries into her shoulder, digging her nails into the silk robe, taking several deep breaths before she can push out the words.

"I…don't want to be here anymore…"

Matron pulls away, holding Rinoa by the shoulders and looking her in the eyes, "Rinoa…what do you mean? Be honest with me."

Rinoa looks up, tears running down her face.

"Alive."


	2. Chapter II

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of it's characters or locations.  
There's some happiness in this chapter. I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 _This is what it feels like,_ she says to herself, her eyelids heavy. She can make out the faint outline of the infirmary window. It's just the off white trim since the blinds are drawn; there's orange light coming from above her head. The sun is rising.

 _It must be about five in the morning now…how did I get here?_

"What happened, Edea?"

"She came to me at about eleven at night, crying and telling me she didn't want to…live…anymore…"

"Hm…"

 _Matron?_

Rinoa rolls over on her side, pulling Squall's jacket tighter around her. The sheets get tangled up in her frame, between her legs and around her waist, soshe pulls it up higher around her shoulders. Fading in and out of a sleep spell, she hears voices murmuring from behind the drawn privacy curtain.

"If I had known, I never would have sent Squall on that trip."

 _Cid?_

"None of us knew, Headmaster. Squall's good at keeping secrets. His business is his business."

 _Quisty…you knew, though…I know you knew. That's why you were always prying, always making sure you said you love me…_

Rinoa hiccups on the salt water draining from her eyes, biting her bottom lip. Being beneath a sleep spell is strange, especially after a prolongued period of time. It's almost as if you're floating with your eyes closed, but you can see everything still. It's worn and fuzzy what you do see, but there's no control over your body. She feels her eyelids grow heavy again as she descends into another slumber.

The group is in the Infirmary with Matron, Headmaster Cid and Dr. Kadowaki. Most of them are in their pajamas since they were awoken at an ungodly hour by a call from Headmaster that they had to report to Dr. Kadowaki immediately. When they saw the sorceress laying on the bed unconscious with Squall's jacket, they knew that something definitely wasn't right.

"Does Squall know what happened?" Quistis enquires, leaning back on the chair behind Dr. Kadowaki's desk. Headmaster Cid bobs his head in confirmation, standing straight next to his wife who looks like she has just seen a ghost.

"He's on his way back. He was told as soon as we brought her here around eleven-thirty. Once Dr. Kadowaki ran her tests to make sure no harm was done internally, that's when we contacted you all."

And it looked just that way. All four of the friends had heavy bags under their eyes and a coffee in their hands. When the coffee maker made its buzzing sound to signify it was done with the third pot, they rushed to the machine like the liquid was gold. Selphie put four packets of sugar in hers, Quistis took hers black, Zell added some extra creamer and Irvine made a face as he tried to stomach the murky liquid. They weren't allowed near Rinoa until she was dispelled by Matron so she could rest. Just seeing her frame from behind the curtain was enough for them to know that she's okay.

"I never thought that…" Zell begins, staring off at the curtain, "she would think about something like this…"

"I don't think any of us did, man," Irvine replies, "She's always so bubbly. I mean not Selphie bubbly but she's always smiling."

Quistis interjects, "Her smiles haven't been genuine for a while. I don't think any of us wanted to pry."

"Because Squall definitely becomes a butthead when we pry." Selphie says, emptying her cup of coffee with a couple of glugs.

The three friends stare at her in disgust.

"How can you even…"

There is a loud bang outside of the Infirmary that interrupts Irvine's statement about how gross it is that Selphie can chug coffee like she can water and the people who are standing opposite the door see an outline of black and yellow. A SeeD uniform jogging full force at the door.

Squall runs towards the door, whipping it open with a single flick of his arm. It screams like it's being pulled off the hinges before he's finally inside, looking at the curtain that hides his girlfriend.

Everyone sees the light drain from his baby blue eyes, the color drain from his face as he falls to his knees. He curls up almost in a child-like state, silent, just on his knees with his head in his hands and his hair falling over his face. They see his back rising and falling with his breathing, and he looks up, just staring at the curtain.

"Squall…" Matron walks towards him, kneeling beside him and placing a reassuring hand on his back.

"Please tell me she's alive…"

She smiles, nodding, "She's smart, Squall. She came to me. She didn't take any of the pills. Cid went to your apartment and got her medicine out. She's under a sleep spell right now since she looked exhausted."

Squall keeps staring, running a trembling hand through his hair, completely ignoring the frustration he feels for Cid breaking into their apartment.

 _I could have lost her,_ he thinks, _I never should have left her here…_

"I need to talk to her." Squall insists, standing up as straight as his anxiety and fatigue will allow. "How long has she been asleep?"

"About six or seven hours now. I put her under around eleven thirty and it's almost six now."

Matron goes behind the curtain. Rinoa's frame is bound tightly with a combination of blankets and Squall's jacket that she had taken with her when she left the apartment. Squall follows her, sitting beside the small mattress and taking his girlfriends hand. He feels her pulse, just to make sure that she's definitely here with him right now. When she tightens her hand and opens her eyes slowly, he breathes a sigh of relief.

"I'll leave you two alone." Matron drags her fingertips across Rinoa's arm, smiling at her before shutting the curtain behind her.

The two are in silence, just looking at each other before Rinoa bursts into tears, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her Knight. He pulls her onto him like all the times he had done in the past – with the bathtub, with the last night that they had together before he left – except this time he felt himself crying with her at the fact that he could have lost the one thing that gives his life so much meaning.

He rocked them gently with the heels of his boots, forward and backward in a soothing manner until their breathing had become a single steady rhythm. Rinoa pulls back, making a half smile and almost a giggle at the emotional side of Squall that she never sees.

"Never, would I ever have thought, that I would see the hard-ass Commander Squall Leonhart cry…" she whispers, keeping the conversation just between them. Squall has to smile at that for a second, pressing his forehead against hers.

 _It's so like her…making a joke during a moment like this._

"I'm sorry I wasn't here…and I'm sorry I left you." He says, taking his gloves off and throwing them on the hospital bed. Running his fingers through her hair, he takes some locks and twists them in between his fingers.

When he had gotten the call, he was running through some paperwork at the hotel. All he heard was 'Rinoa' and 'suicide' and he had gotten the fastest boat out of Dollet and back to Balamb. He thought she was gone – that she had done it – and that he was going to have to pick up the pieces of his heart as well as the pieces of the friends they share.

It kills him thinking that she would have rather died than have struggled here another moment.

"Don't blame yourself, please," Rinoa begs. "Please don't. I just…I need help. And it's time we both ask for it."

"You're…being so calm about this." Squall says, pulling back from her, "How can you be so calm right now?"

"Because I know what I did," she replies, "And how I felt wasn't good. We never should have tried to handle this ourselves. We should have trusted them…" Rinoa's head nudges towards the curtain, towards the group of friends who are silent and trying to intently listen at their conversation. Selphie is inching closer to the curtain. "It's time for them to help. And I'm ready to accept it. I never, ever…want to feel like that again, Squall."

A smile tugs at one side of Squall's lips. He's always amazed by her constant strength and hopeful outlook on life. Lately he's watched her fade away, but here she is, back, and ready to fight for the life that she's lost.

She stands up, taking Squall's hands and pulling him up. On her tip toes, she kisses him gently before pulling him outside of the curtain.

Rinoa's met by a teary eyed Selphie who pulls her close, hugging her tightly. Quistis does the same, her eyes glazed over from seeing her friend who she had once sworn she didn't like. Zell and Irvine hug her together; Irvine's hand pulling her in tightly from her lower back and Zell's arm wrapped around her shoulders.

"Rinoa," Dr. Kadowaki begins, "We're going to change your medicine. You may have better luck, but we want Squall to monitor it just for safety reasons."

The raven-haired girl nods, grabbing Squall's hand.

"And we've all come to an agreement that anything you guys need, just ask. That goes for you too, Squall."

"Even though he won't ask for it…" Quistis mutters under her breath. Selphie jabs her in the side with her elbow and she jumps.

Squall sighs, "No, I will. I didn't ask for it this long and well…"

"How long has this been going on for anyways?" Zell asks. When he asks, everyones eyes are on the two as if they're asking the same question. Squall and Rinoa look at each other and Rinoa nods.

"Seven months now." He answers. "But…Rinoa's right. We need help."

"And because you need help," Selphie says, a large smile spreading across her face, "We've all decided that we are living with you for the next week!"

Any and all looks of calm and tranquil on Squall's face disappear at the mentioning of their four friends staying at their house. First of all, their place is small and can barely fit two more people let alone four. There are no extra bedrooms, just a small living room, kitchen, bathroom and a bedroom.

 _Looks like Angelo may have to give up his dog bed._

"I don't think tha -."

"I would love for you guys to be with us."

"Yeah – wait, what?" Squall looks down beside him, seeing Rinoa with a tired smile on her face.

"I want them near, Squall," she says, "I've been distant lately and maybe I've gotten worse because I've isolated myself. So I think the company will be nice."

He has no choice but to oblige because it's what Rinoa wants and what Rinoa wants Rinoa gets. Just not in this circumstance due to the emotional turmoil she's just endured, but the girl has a keen way of knowing exactly what to do to get what she wants out of her Knight. Squall remembers one time in which they were walking through the shops in Winhill a couple of weeks after the war had finally ended. Rinoa had fallen in love with this ugly as Hyne – in Squall's opinion – wax melter. It was expensive, more expensive than a hi-potion because its made out of hand-blown glass and ceramic that is only found in Winhill. After a heated debate about how open flames were not allowed in Garden and that Squall preferred the plug in air fresheners, Rinoa walked out of the shop with a brown bag with the ugly wax melter and some scented waxes.

The thing is sitting beside their television in the living room.

This situation is different though. He feels the need to give in because he feels responsible for Rinoa's lack of judgement several hours ago. There was this feeling in the pit of his stomach the night he left, that something was going to go wrong, and he felt it as he watched her stand there at the docks as his boat sped away. Squall had thought it was just the feeling of leaving Rinoa in general, but it was the connection that the two have that was being strained because he had chosen to leave her instead of stay.

"Yeah…we can get some blow up mattresses for the living room." Squall says, wrapping his arm around Rinoa and pulling her closer. Selphie jumps up and down, her hands clasped together.

"And Squall, I'm giving you the next two weeks off," Cid says, crossing his arms, "Spend the time with Rinoa and your friends."

The idea of not having to go to work was great until the six of them arrive back at Squall and Rinoa's apartment with their bags and three air mattresses. Angelo was running at full speed towards the opened door to greet his owners but then froze at the large amount of people in the main hallway. Rinoa kneels down in front of the canine anyways, rubbing behind his ears as Squall takes the group into the living room and begins re-arranging furniture.

"So we're sleeping down here?" Irvine asks, taking the groups bags and placing them in the kitchen to their right.

"Well you're not sleeping in our room."

"I mean, Rinoa did say she wants us close…" he winks, following the irritated Knight into the living room. Squall stares at the room; there's an L-shaped couch, a large television propped on a coffee table, another small coffee table in front of the couch and a stand up lamp in the corner beside the couch. He has no idea how he's going to fit people in here.

He runs his hand through his hair.

"Two people can fit on the couch," he says, "Because the chaise portion is long enough to fit me and I'm one of the tallest."

"Fuck that, I don't want feet near my face." Zell says, putting his hands on his hips. "Let alone Irvine's. They're in those boots all day."

"Well it's not like I want that either, Athlete Foot King."

"It was ONE time!"

"Alright!" Squall yells over the two. Selphie is giggling in the corner and Quistis is standing beside Rinoa who is sitting on the ground with Angelo's head in her lap. She has a small smile on her face, but is otherwise engaged in petting her four legged friend. Quistis hears her whispering to him, that she's feeling better and thanking him for being there. The blonde smiles, sitting down beside Rinoa to watch the entertainment unfold.

It's always fun watching the three boys interact. Irvine pushes Zell's buttons, Zell gets irritated and angry and has an outburst and Squall puts up with it until he has to yell over the two. Otherwise, he's running his hand through his hair and doing whatever it is the boys are supposed to do anyways on his own.

"Just…take the air mattresses out of the boxes and I'll get the vacuum to blow them up."

"I want to go into Squall and Rinoa's room!" Selphie yells, jumping up and down with her arms extended in the air. Squall sighs, waving his hand as if saying, 'Fine go ahead' and the brunette giggles, running up the stairs with Angelo scampering at her feet.

"They should fit, Squall," Rinoa says, wiping her hands on her jeans and walking into the living room, "They're all twin mattresses and if we line one here," she points to the foot of the chaise portion of the couch, "And two next to each other parallel to the other portion of the couch, it should be fine."

"We would have to take the coffee table out." Squall replies, crossing his arms, "Where would we put it?"

"Um…I don't know, somewhere." She places her head on Squall's shoulder, "Would it fit in the coat closet?"

"No, it's too small to fit my leather jacket and my uniform jacket at the same time. Besides, you took up the floor room with your shoes."

"Did not!"

Squall looks down at her, his eyebrow raised, "Go look. You have six pairs of shoes in there."

When Rinoa goes to turn around with her nose in the air, she stops mid spin and realizes that he's right – she does have six pairs of shoes in there. So she spins back around and smiles coyly, "Heehee…"

"Told you."

"I have the vacuum!" Selphie exclaims, dragging the vacuum down the stairs with her loudly. Squall cringes.

 _That thing was over a thousand gil for Hynes sake…_

The air mattresses are laid out on the floor in their designated spots and Zell and Irvine step aside as Squall plugs in the vacuum and takes out the hose.

"I thought vacuums were only supposed to take air in?" Zell leans against the wall with his arms in his pockets and Irvine watches intently at the buttons Squall is pushing to make the air go the opposite way. He ignores Zell's question and he places the nozzle of the hose beside the air mattresses on his side. While he doesn't look, Irvine bends down and pushes a random button on the vacuum, not knowing what it's going to do.

Everyone besides Squall sees it and Quistis has a worried hand over her mouth. Rinoa is trying not to giggle because she knows what button Irvine pushed and Zell looks like he's prepping himself to run out of the house. He's slowly inching towards the opening in the wall to walk out before Squall pushes the on button and all of the dust and gatherings that are inside of the vacuum splatter out all over the living room.

Selphie, Irvine and Zell fall into fits of laughter at Squall's wide-eyed look and shock as he swears loudly, fumbling with the vacuum for ten seconds before finally pulling the cord out of the wall. At this point, dust is everywhere – glued to the walls, the coffee table and the mattresses with the felt tops.

"Who did that?!" He shouts, glaring at Zell, Irvine and Selphie. Squall hears Rinoa giggle behind him and he turns around, looking at her red face from holding back laughter. At the sight of Squall's face – and the pieces of dust clinging to his hair – she begins laughing aloud with Quistis beside her. The sound of her laughter fills his soul, and Squall smiles softly, sighing at the three idiots still laughing beside him.

"Clean that up," he throws the hose at Irvine, "And it's better I don't know who actually pushed the reset button."

Quistis and Squall move the coffee table upstairs in front of Squall and Rinoa's bed while Selphie, Zell and Irvine try to clean up every inch of dust that was blown out of the vacuum cleaner. Rinoa follows Squall upstairs, sitting on the bed as the two friends position the coffee table so Rinoa doesn't run into it in the middle of the night on her trips to the bathroom.

"I'll go downstairs to help them clean. They're not the best at it." Quistis leaves the couple in the room, her blonde hair bobbing down the stairs as they hear her sigh, "Really? That's Zell's face, not the dust that's everywhere!"

Rinoa smiles, looking up at Squall in front of her. He kneels down, his hands on her thighs before he reaches one hand up, brushing his thumb against her cheek. "You seem better."

"I would like to say I feel it, but I kind of just feel…" she shrugs, "Numb. But it's nice to laugh and see something funny. I haven't done that in a while."

Squall nods, "It'll be nice for you to have them around. For me…I'll just have to try to not strangle them."

"You love them, Squall. It'll be good for you too." She ruffles his hair gently, her nails trailing down his face to the stubble that had accumulated from not shaving for a couple days. "It'll be good for both of us."

"It'll be better once the living room is clean…"

Rinoa smiles gently, leaning down and kissing his cheek. "I love you, Squall."

"I love yo -."

"SQUALL!"

Squall groans, "WHAT?"

"What's for lunch?!"

* * *

Pizza is for lunch and dinner because neither Squall nor Rinoa can be bothered to cook a full meal for themselves and their four friends. They all sit in the living room in front of the television watching a crime network special, picking at what is left on their plates. Squall and Rinoa are cuddled on the couch, Rinoa's legs extended on the chaise portion. Qusitis and Selphie are sandwiched beside Squall and Irvine and Zell are sitting on their designated air mattresses.

"These things are comfortable," Zell says, bouncing on his. "I think anything is comfortable after you've slept on the floor of a train."

"You brought that on yourself." Squall says, "Apparently the SeeD bunk beds weren't up to par."

"Hey, we're SeeDs! We need comfortable beds after fighting all day."

"Excuse me, all but two of us are SeeDs." Irvine jumps in, handing his crust to Angelo who trots off into the hallway to munch on the treat. "Rinoa and I aren't."

"Yeah, one is a Sorceress and the other is a sharpshooter who cracks under pressure."

Irvine shoots a glare at Zell who is snickering, staring at the television. Quistis is rolling her eyes, pushing around her salad.

The room is silent once more before Squall stands up to put his plate in the trash. Rinoa pulls her knees up to her chest, situating herself in the corner of the couch until he comes back.

"Rinoa?" Quistis says, looking at her friend. Rinoa tilts her head to the side.

"I'm happy you didn't do it. We all are."

"We're happy your safe," Selphie chimes in, leaning forward to see the girl on the corner of the couch. "We…would have been really upset."

Rinoa nods, looking down at her printed pajama pants. She picks at the piece of fleece that is sticking out amongst the rest.

She's happy she's here too, but she feels guilty that she's put so many people through so much pain in a short amount of time. She's seen Squall cry, Quistis and Selphie teary eyed, Matron worried and Irvine and Zell holding her tighter than ever all in one day and it's all her fault. It's because she was tired of fighting. Well, tired of losing the fight that is going on in her head all hours of every day.

She's tired of hurting, tired of not sleeping and not feeling welcome and alienated.

"I just…I was tired of fighting." She says, Squall sitting down beside her. "It's not like the fighting we did during the war. Those wounds are healed with some potions and magic but this…I just felt like I haven't been going anywhere. That I'm behind and I want more than I have and I can't get it no matter how hard I try…"

Her eyes stay focused on the piece of fleece on her pants, her nail picking at it and trying to get it out.

"And because of that, I felt stuck. I hate feeling stuck. Especially now since I'm so used to everything at such a high speed because of the war…but I'm happy I'm here too. And I'm sorry if I worried or made you upset -."

Rinoa is cut off by a chorus of 'no' and 'Rinoa oh my god' before she is smothered with hugs by Selphie. Squall pulls away from her, letting their friends take center stage to make sure Rinoa knows she's supported not only by him, but by them as well.

"We're always here for you," Quistis begins, "And don't ever apologize."

"Yeah, it's not your fault, Rin," Zell says, patting her on the knee. "It happens."

"And we're always here to talk to you." Selphie says as she rests her head on Rinoa's shoulder. "Don't ever feel like we don't love you or we don't care, because we do."

"I know…" she says, putting her head on top of Selphie's.

Squall watches the scene unfold before him. Zell and Irvine in front of her on the ground, Selphie and Quistis at her sides. She's so loved and he doesn't understand why she didn't think of that before wanting to take the pills. But then he thinks. He realizes that Rinoa here, in this moment, was gone for so many months fighting a battle that he had no idea was so gruesome. The fighting took her heart and soul and left this shadow that he's been taking care of to make sure that she didn't hurt herself or dig herself into a deeper hole.

He feels so dumb for not asking for help sooner. Seeing Rinoa being surrounded by them makes him realize that he's been selfish all of this time – wanting to hide her condition and how their relationship has suffered because of it. If he had just asked in the beginning or told the group what was going on, Rinoa may not have gotten to the point where she didn't want to live anymore.

It kills him, knowing and thinking that part of her downfall is his fault. Him leaving, him keeping it a secret…

"I'm just thankful I have all of you, especially you, Squall."

Squall looks up. He sees Rinoa, gently smiling at him with her eyes teary.

"You've been…so amazing these past months. Helping me and taking care of me. I'm happy I have you."

He just nods, keeping his eyes on his friends. "We're all happy you're here" is the only thing he could say that was truthful. He is happy she's here, he always has been even when she annoyed the heck out of him. She brought him happiness, sunshine, and she continues to even when she's in her own head with glassy eyes.

"Hey, I have an idea!" Selphie shouts, bouncing in her seat, "I say we go on a trip!"

"Where?" Rinoa tilts her head to the side, "Like away form here?"

"Think of it this way, you've been so down in the dumps here in this apartment for so long, maybe you just really need to get out! Hey! Let's go to Deiling City like we did for your twenty-first birthday, Rinny!"

"That sounds like fun," Quistis replies, nodding, "I think we could all do with a little get away."

"It'll be like old times," Zell says, smiling, "Just the six of us, no orders that we're out on."

Squall keeps his distance from the group who are now chattering about hotel rooms and on their phones making plans for the week ahead. He leans his head against the wall and sighs.

 _I just hope this trip makes her smile._


	3. Chapter III

Rinoa hears the pop behind her and it instantly unnerves her, bringing her back to the night where she almost ended it all. She knows it's not her hands, the pills are not in her possession, but still, it shakes her to her very core that she still needs to take a controlled substance to make her feel somewhat normal.

She has no concept of normal anymore anyways. Her normal has been lying in bed, sleeping or crying or staring at the ceiling all day until dinner time rolls around and she figures she should probably get up and cook before Squall gets home. It would worry him too much not seeing dinner at least attempting to be made, but most nights ended up in take out. That was until the crew moved in.

She actually cooked those days because they would help her: Selphie, Quistis, Zell and Irvine. Zell—well, he would mostly eat the ingredients before, during and after the cooking process and Selphie would slap his hand away. Quistis would roll her eyes, shaking the pan to and fro to make the contents in the pan cook evenly. Rinoa would prep, cutting and dicing and placing things in bowls while Irvine's job was to make sure no one would get burned since he said himself he 'sucks at cooking.'

Squall would watch, letting them all take in the time with Rinoa they so very missed and desired. He couldn't fit in the kitchen with the other five so he would stay in the other room, reading over paperwork despite being excused from work three days ago. While it would look to the common eye as if Squall was reading and re-reading data analysis and political documents, in reality, he's just staring at the papers and criticizing his behavior over the past several months.

It's inexcusable-that's always what it comes down to. He was too caught up in work, their image, to ask for help and tell the truth. While Rinoa always chides him not to get too down on himself, he knows it's the truth. If he had asked for help when Rinoa started not getting out of bed, she would be feeling better.

If he had asked for help, she never would have sought the worst way out of her depression.

Squall's stubbornness and need for privacy drove her to that brink and he will never, ever, forgive himself for it.

Even when Rinoa is better and flourishing like she once was, he'll never stop wanting to make sure she's okay and has everything she could ever need in order to attempt to prevent another break like she had.

He's overcompensating and Rinoa notices it when he thinks he's being sly about it. She notices the extra kisses on her cheek, his calloused fingertips running over the back of her shoulder on a night because he knows she loves it. He makes her favorite tea in the morning and brings it up to her, takes Angelo out in the morning so she doesn't have to wake up too early.

And he gives her her medicine daily.

That was demanded of him, of course, and he would have done it even if it wasn't asked by Dr. Kadowaki. Rinoa isn't trusted with pills until Dr. Kadowaki feels every night Squall pops the top of her prescribed antidepressant and places it before her.

The small yellow pill.

It's the _pop_ that makes her skin crawl because at one point that sound of the top coming off of the bottle was soothing. What was inside of the bottle was going to bring an end to her suffering. Now it's just something that evens out her brain chemistry so she doesn't go too far off the deep end.

She still has fear, though. To her very core.

"It's strange," Rinoa says, bringing her fingers to her lips. She gnaws at her nails, keeping her eyes down. "Whenever I see yellow I think of happiness. Sometimes even of Selphie. But…what's happened to me in order to take this medicine isn't happy at all."

Squall leans back on the chair in front of her, crossing one knee over the other to almost create a barrier. He hates it when she gets sentimental like this; he has not one bone in his body to make associations like she just has. Never has he understood metaphors or similies, but he could tell you the weaknesses of each and every enemy they have encountered and the way politics work.

"Try not to think of it like that. Don't delve too deep. Just take it when you feel ready."

Rinoa reaches forward slowly, grabbing the small pill between her index and thumb before placing the tablet in her mouth. She drowns it in water and swallows, opening her mouth for Squall to see.

He read that some people hide their tablets when they want to commit suicide so he began asking for her to open her mouth and lift her tongue. Rinoa hated it as first, thinking its degrading and that he doesn't trust her, but she realizes he's trying to protect her.

In his own weird way.

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" he asks, taking the pill bottle and placing it inside of his gunblade case. With a click of a lock and key, the medication is safely away and Rinoa feels better not seeing the bottle or the pill in front of her. She sighs deeply.

Their little hotel room in the middle of Deiling City will be their home for the next couple of days. Selphie's idea of a trip was good until Rinoa had to pack. It exhausted her and even made her a little upset since the bedroom has been her niche for months now. It took an extra day to leave, but the group is there now in their designated hotel rooms.

While Rinoa and Squall have their own, Selphie and Quistis share as do Zell and Irvine. Selphie and Irvine have been a couple for years now, but Zell and Quistis didn't want to share or spend the extra Gil for separate rooms. Besides, the trip is about building their friendships like they were back in the day.

Things were so much easier then: fight battles, win the war, conquer the sorceress. Now everyone works and Rinoa focuses on her writing the best she can. She misses those days desperately because there was a rhythm they each followed that made them all so perfectly in sync. Without Rinoa being around not so often, they each went their own ways and would come back together only for lunch.

Getting things back to how they were would be perfect.

"I haven't been shopping in forever. It'll be nice to spend some time with everyone."

"Yeah, and then Selphie wants to go to the bar after dinner. The same one where we went on your birthday, remember?"

Rinoa situates herself in the overwhelming amount of duvet covers and comforters, wrapping up and turning on her side towards Squall. She sees Squall take his shirt off, remaining in his pajama pants before sitting beside her with the covers up to his waist. He lifts his arm, inviting her onto his chest while he turns on the TV.

She cuddles up to him and looks up, "Yeah, I got shitfaced."

Squall laughed out loud. She really did. He remembers carrying her back to the hotel room, her head leaning fully backwards with her eyes shut because everything was spinning. He had to stop at two points because she had to throw up in a trash can on the side of the road. At the one closest to the hotel, she stood up straight, vomit attached to the ends of her raven colored hair and put her hands on her hips.

With a wobble, she had said, "Squall, we're going to be hit by a car."

She had said it so seriously that Squall had laughed. "Rinoa, we just crossed the road. The hotel is down the road, see?" He pointed down the street about two hundred feet, indicating that they no longer have to cross the street.

"We're going to be hit by a car. Why didn't you get a cab?"

Squall crossed his arms, "Rin, there are no more streets to cross."

"We're going to get hit on that street!" She yelled, pointing to the street they had just crossed. Obviously it was right in front of her drunken view but in real life, it was behind her.

"Okay, Rin." That was the last thing Squall said before he had picked her up in his arms, only for her to fall asleep once again.

"You really thought we were going to get hit by a car." Squall chuckles in the present, turning on the television. Rinoa prefers sleeping with the television on now since it makes it harder for her mind to wander at night.

"The street was literally right in front of me."

"So was that hard liquor you slipped on when you were dancing with Selphie on it."

The sorceress turns red, pushing her head into Squall's abdomen with a whine. She feels his fingertips running through her hair as he turns the lights off and moves downwards so he lies flat on his back.

"The guy put it there on purpose so I would slip…"

"What guy?"

"The fat guy at the bar."

"Was he out to get you?"

"…He kept staring at me."

Squall sighs, "Rinoa he kept staring at you because the whole night you were staring at him because his shirt didn't cover the lower part of his stomach poking out of his pants."

"Well, he should have better dressed himself."

"Goodnight, Rinoa."

* * *

Morning comes faster than Squall wants but it's the first time in months he finally feels fully rested. It's soothing being away from Garden – from the responsibilities and mountains of paperwork – and with the sun cascading in from the cracks in between the curtains, Deiling feels more like a safe haven than a place that was once the aspired murder location of a sorceress.

The light shines across the floor in a straight line, crawling up to their bed where Rinoa lays peacefully asleep. Squall looks at her, taking a deep breath, before running his fingertips over her arm that is on top of the blankets. He knows it won't wake her; Rinoa's the heaviest sleeper imaginable while he sleeps rather light, but he used to think that if he soothed her in her sleep, that she would wake happier.

It's small things like that that make him sleep easier.

He moves out of the bed slowly before walking to the bathroom to run a hot shower. They're going to walk around the city today, perhaps dive into some shops to the boy's dismay. He knows Rinoa likes to shop, that she hasn't shopped in forever, and once Squall knew where they were going, he had decided to put some money aside for Rinoa in case she wanted something.

She always worries about money since she doesn't have a steady job like the rest of them. He figured at the time it would have been nice to do.

Granted, he had been saving for something else.

The shower water relieves the stress in his back and shoulders; the stress of getting here, the stress of making sure Rinoa is doing okay. He always carries it there; at least that's what Rinoa says when she makes him lay on his stomach on a night as she massages the knots out of him. She would always use the same lavender and chamomile lotion that she used when she couldn't sleep at night. He remembers how she smelled of it that night when they got back after the party and she came into his room.

She couldn't sleep that night.

He tilts his head back, letting the water soak into his hair. He misses how things were before she got sick – before she lost her soul to something that he couldn't even fight with a weapon. He loved coming home to see her there in the kitchen or reading a book in the living room or even writing. Sometimes he would hear her singing along to the radio and see her bouncing around the kitchen with Angelo.

Her spirit is gone and he wonders:

 _Could I have prevented this?_

 _I get too lost in my mind about it…about her depression and what happened. I just wish I could be of more help but no matter how many things I read, I just get angry._

 _I want her back. And it's my fault she's gone._

 _I should have held her more. Told her she's important to me and that she has so much going for her even though it doesn't seem like it now._

 _I should have told her I loved her more before going to bed instead of just falling asleep while she was talking or mumbling to me…_

"Squall..?"

Her voice snaps him back to reality as he pokes his head out of the side of the shower. Rinoa is standing there, her back to him, as she let her pajama pants slink to the ground and her tank top drop beside it. She turns around and climbs in the shower with him, wrapping her arms around him.

Squall hadn't seen her naked in what seems like ages unless she was getting changed or getting out of the shower while he brushed his teeth. They hadn't made love in months considering her moods were swinging from the ultimate left to the ultimate right on a hourly basis. He let her be most of the time unless she wanted something but this…this is something new.

"Can…" she looks up at him, reaching up and twisting wet locks of his hair in between her fingers, "I…don't know if I want to go out today…"

Squall looks down at her, reaching behind him and cupping his hand to gather water. He pours it alongside her arms, her shoulders and her neck. "How come? What's wrong?"

Rinoa shrugs, looking downward and crossing her arms. Squall moves out of the way, squeaking against the side of the shower and pulling her beneath the water. She tilts her head back as Squall shields her eyes from the water, smoothing his hand over her black hair as it dampens.

"I just…I don't want to go. I want to stay in."

He just nods, kissing her forehead and pulling her close. The shower water gets turned off and they both step out. Squall wraps Rinoa in a towel and then himself before drying off, putting a pair of pants on and a shirt, to walk down to the rooms beside theirs to tell their friends that they were not going to go out with them for the day.

* * *

"This SUCKS!" Selphie groans, stomping her foot inside of the dressing room. Outside, Quistis leans against the wall, sighing.

"Selphie, that's an extra small. There's nothing smaller."

"No! Not the shirt…"

Zell and Irvine look up, seeing the floral patterned tank top being thrown over the opening between the wall and the top of the door.

"Please," Zell begs, looking to Qusitis for help. "Don't have me go ask for the sales associate for a floral tank top in a smaller size. She told me that an extra small wouldn't fit me."

"You should have told her you wanted to go for the tight and wet look," Irvine snickers. Zell shoves him at the shoulders.

Quistis rolls her eyes, twisting a loose piece of blonde hair around her finger, "Squall said she wasn't feeling it, Selphie. He needs to do what he thinks is best."

"I just miss her." The brunette says, coming out of the dressing room with clothing items flung over each arm. She hands them to the sales associate who has a look of distain and pure annoyance on her face. The girl had been in the dressing room for more than thirty minutes trying on almost everything in the store to make time go faster.

She loves shopping with Rinoa and she's not here.

Selphie giggles to herself, walking out to the main part of the store, "I remember when we went shopping after we got back from the war and Rinoa and I kept modeling the clothes for you guys."

Irvine nods, "Yeah and we kept saying that Quistis was being a buzz kill because she was the only girl who wasn't doing it."

"Modeling isn't my thing," she replies, shrugging as they feel the cold air bite their noses. Quistis wraps her jacket around her tighter, stopping to look around to see what they could do next. She knows the others are doing the same thing – observing and looking around because it's been nearly three hours and it seems like it's dragging even though they've been to almost every shop on the main strip. "You're right, though. It's not the same without them…"

"Should we go check in on her?" Zell suggests, shifting his weight from one foot to the next. "To see if they're doing okay?"

"They may want their privacy, man," Irvine cuts in, holding his hat down while the wind blows, "You know how Squall is with that type of thing."

"But we care about her too!" Selphie sighs, sitting down on a bench. Irvine sits beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "We love her just as much. She's important to us."

"We should have noticed sooner," Zell says, looking at the ground. "We knew something was up when she stopped coming for lunch and when Squall didn't really talk about her. We should have said something or gone to see her."

"We can't blame ourselves," Quistis replies, shrugging her shoulders. "For what she's been going through and for what she did."

The four of them all got quiet, looking at the ground. They didn't want to think about it or even talk about their friend who almost ended her life. Their dear friend who fought beside them until the end, backed them up when they needed it, and had some form of comedic relief in the form of irritating Squall-who didn't feel comfortable enough to come to them to ask for help.

They each felt guilty in their own way but didn't dare bring it up to either Squall or Rinoa. All they wanted was Rinoa to get better, to start bouncing again, but they knew that it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Did you see how Squall hit the floor when he came into the infirmary when he saw her behind the curtain?" Irvine asked softly, sighing with pursed lips, "I've never seen him so broken before."

"She's his everything, Irvine," Selphie replies, running her fingertips up and down his leg, "None of us expected it."

"She's always been so happy." Zell comments, "Always smiling."

"Not lately, though," Quistis sighs, "She hasn't been the same for a while. I just can't imagine what they're going through."

"Man, I just feel guilty. Like we could or should have done something." Zell crosses one foot over the next, leaning back with his hands placed behind his head, "Something to make her feel better."

Irvine nods, "If something did happen, we would feel horrible."

"Imagine how Squall feels," Quistis says, looking at the three of them, "Coming in from a business trip and seeing his girlfriend on a bed under a sleep spell because she couldn't escape the thoughts she was having. Any guilt we have, or any feelings we have about this, Squall has it worse. So much worse."

Selphie crosses her legs, leaning her head back so she can see the sky, "I wish we could go back to the way things were. When we were all fighting. Like it totally sucked sometimes but we were all together and…I miss it sometimes…"

Quistis nods, folding her arms over her chest, "But we knew we would eventually either come back to Balamb once we were done and we would get on with our lives. I just don't think any of us predicted how…distant we would get."

"We should have stayed together. In Garden.-where we always have been together. Well, aside from Rinoa and Irvine but…" Zell lets his arms fall at his sides, relaxing his posture while he looks at his friends, "Maybe it would have helped. Us all staying together."

"But think of our schedules, Zell," Quistis replies, turning to the blonde with the tribal tattoo on his face. She internally cringes at it, "Squall is in the office with Headmaster Cid all day until about seven at night, he only sometimes comes down for lunch. I help Xu with running the garden and with errands throughout the day and sometimes go on trips to other Gardens since I have connections. You and Irvine and Selphie help train new SeeD's seven days a week. Rinoa…"

Quistis pauses, thinking about how their lives have divulged into two six completely different paths when at one point, they were all together in one single line, "she's the only one who doesn't really have 'duties' like we do. She writes, and she loves it, but she's not like us."

"Hey," Selphie says, jumping up from the bench. Irvine groans to himself.

He was getting so close to grabbing her –

"Remember when we were in Trabia and Rinoa said she didn't feel like she was on the same wavelength as us when the battle picked up? Maybe that's how she feels now. We just need to slow down and incorporate her."

Quistis smiles at the petite brunette, "Yeah, that makes sense actually."

"But," Irvine asks, standing up behind his girlfriend, "How are we going to do it?"

Selphie turns around with a devious smile on her face as she throws her fist in the air, "Alcohol!"

* * *

He feels her fingertips moving up and down his stomach, feeling every bump and curve of his abdominal muscles with each breath he takes. Squall's eyes don't leave her the entire time she does this. Her raven hair is splattered across his arm and her shoulders and she's still in her pajamas she had put on after their shower. Squall had put a shirt on to tell Selphie that they weren't going to go out for the day, but he silently hoped that maybe she would change her mind and at least go out to dinner with them.

He wouldn't push her though. He feels as if it's not right.

Rinoa sits up and stretches, extending her arms over her head and stretching from side to side. Turning around at her waist, she smiles gently.

"Do you think they would still want me to come to dinner with them? I'm getting kind of hungry and stir crazy."

 _It's like she's reading my mind,_ he thinks, shrugging.

"I don't think they would mind at all."

She smiles, crawling forward and bumping her nose with Squall's. Rinoa pecks him gently before getting off of the bed and rummaging through her suitcase for something to wear. Meanwhile, Squall grabs his mobile phone and texts Selphie to tell her that Rinoa has changed her mind and would like to meet them somewhere for dinner.

Rinoa pulls a long sleeved baby blue shirt out of her suitcase and lays it on the bed, crossing her arms in thought as she tilts her head to the side. Squall smirks to himself at her thinking process.

"Would it be too much blue if I wore jeans?" She asks, looking at her boyfriend. Squall shrugs, having absolutely no idea how fashion works considering he either wears his leather jacket or his SeeD uniform most of the time. The only time he's not is when he's actually wearing jeans or when he's in pajamas.

As Squall opens his mouth to tell her he doesn't know, there's a knock at the door followed by a loud "Rinny" that was a high enough pitch to break the windows throughout the hotel.

The solider winces, growling as he gets out of bed to open the door. He was met with the faces of his friends, crowded into the hallway. Closest to the door was Selphie, who was bouncing on the balls of her feet, behind her Squall could see Zell, with an indecipherable expression—something between excitement that Rinoa wanted to come out or annoyance at the fact that Selphie just screamed at the highest octave a human could. Quistis seems calm, smiling at her life-long friend at the door and Irvine couldn't be seen fully since he was leaning against the right side of the door frame.

"Rinny wants to come out?!" Selphie asks, progressing from bouncing to actually jumping. Squall simply steps aside, letting the bubbly brunette inside of their room to help Rinoa pick out something to wear. Quistis follows Selphie and Zell and Irvine stay close to the entrance of the room, not knowing if they were welcome within the invisible bubble that the girls had established by talking about clothes and fashion.

"I have no idea what to wear. I have this shirt."

"That's so pretty! Do you have jeans?"

"They're blue, though."

"Leggings would work."

Irvine sighs, "I have no idea how they do it."

With a raised eyebrow, Squall looks up at Irvine. He's only a couple inches taller than Squall without the hat but with his cowboy hat, he's about four inches total taller.

"Do what?"

"The hair, the makeup, the clothes. It seems exhausting."

Zell scoffs, "It's not like you mind it, ladies man."

"Oooh, that's pretty, Rinny!" Selphie squeals, snatching the garment out of the suitcase and thrusting it towards Rinoa. She holds it up at the shoulders, studying the silhouette of the shirt against Rinoa's petite frame before nodding in approval.

"Go put it on in the bathroom. We'll keep Irvine away." Quistis says, sitting on the bed beside Selphie. She has a small smile on her face and is relieved that Rinoa isn't spending the whole trip in the confinement of her hotel room.

Squall turns around, watching Rinoa walk into the bathroom with a smile on her face. She reaches out and touches his arm before closing the door behind her with a click. The boys then walk into the main part of their room; Squall sits on their bed beside Rinoa's suitcase that Selphie is rummaging through and Zell and Irvine sit at the desk that's next to the bed on the left side.

"So she changed her mind, then?" Quistis asks, leaning against the wall. She watches Squall nod before looking up at the group of them.

"She said she was getting hungry and stir crazy. I think she started to feel bad for not going out earlier."

"We understand, man," Zell said, shrugging his shoulders, "No one wants to go out if they're not feeling up to it. We just want her to be happy again."

"I think we all do," Quistis says. She watches as Selphie pulls out a small green box filled with earrings and jewelry.

Selphie admires the contents, letting out a soft 'ooooh' at the mix of vintage and contemporary gem stones. She dashes to the door, snapping the box closed and tucking it protectively under her arm like a football. To everyone's surprise she stops just before the door and knocks rather than barging in.

The blonde shakes her head as she watches Selphie disappear into the bathroom with Rinoa.

"Anyways, it'll take a while. But we're all here for you." She smiles and Squall gets up from the bed, pulling his duffel bag from beneath the bed. He was trained to never leave his things in plain sight from the war, especially since people tend to sometimes have a general distain towards SeeDs.

"Thanks. Rinoa and I appreciate it."

"No!" Selphie shrieks from the bathroom, "Not yet! I wanna do your hair!"

Squall runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head as he hears Irvine chuckle behind him.

"It's like Rinoa's her doll or something."

"As long as she's making Rinoa smile, I don't object to it." Squall replies, putting a hand on his hip and turning towards the group. "Can you leave so I can get dressed?"

A chorus of 'oh yeah' and 'of course' floods the room as the two blondes and a slight red head leave the room. Squall quickly gets dressed in a pair of dark jeans and a light grey sweater that makes the stormy hint in his eyes pop. After he slides on his boots, he grabs his wallet and goes outside of the room, leaving Rinoa with Selphie in the bathroom.

"How long do you think she'll take?" Quistis asks, looking at her watch, "We should get there before it gets too busy."

"Where are we going?" Squall asks. He hears the door click open and he stares, waiting for Rinoa to come out. He's met with Selphie first, who has the biggest grin and look of pride on her face. She puts her hands together, bouncing on her feet as she walks forward to let Rinoa out.

She's wearing a leather jacket with zippers up the hems on each side of her hips, a pair of dark grey leggings and beat up combat boots that lace up to the middle of her shins. The best part, however, was the signature baby blue shirt that was beneath the hardness of the leather jacket. The hem hit her at the widest part of her hips that was now much slimmer since her eating habits had changed so much, but the eyes can't help but draw upwards to the neckline and sleeves of her shirt that were constructed with the most delicate crochet lace. Rinoa ran a hand through her hair that Selphie had loosely curled as she looked down, embarrassed and flushed that everyone was staring at her with such awe.

Especially Squall, who hadn't seen her this dressed up in the longest time. Rinoa looks up at him, biting her inner lip as she walks forward, weaving herself into his arms. The leather of his jacket and hers met with a squeak, making her giggle.

"You look beautiful, Rinoa," Quistis says, placing a hand on Rinoa's shoulder as she pulls away from Squall. "We all think so."

"…Thanks," she replies shyly, "Selphie did a good job."

"Now we're ready to go!" Selphie says, punching the air with a jump, "Time to go paaaaaart-ay!"

Squall raises an eyebrow as Selphie smiles and replies:

"Time to go to the bar!"

* * *

The last time they were all here was when Rinoa turned twenty-one and she threw up in a barrel on the side of the road. Squall had been in the booth the entire time with Zell and Irvine who were checking out girls at the bar, sipping his whiskey and soda while keeping a keen eye on Rinoa who he could only see thanks to the flashing tiara that Selphie had gotten her and insisted she wear for her birthday.

Now they were all back here about a year later, crammed in a booth across from the bar with loud music and dimmed lights.

None of this Squall likes, but then he looks across at Rinoa who is sandwiched between Quistis and Selphie, giggling as she takes another gulp of her drink that Selphie ordered her. He sees the glaze in her eyes and he knows that she's going to feel it in the morning, or possibly within a few hours, but he figures she needs the fun and the excitement.

He lets her drink more than he should within the hours they're there. Squall figured the outcome wouldn't be as bad considering they were all eating their fill of various appetizers along with their drinks. Zell, of course, gets his own plate of everything because he hates sharing his food. Irvine said that he was deprived of food too much as a kid and that's the reason for needing his own everything.

Zell glared at him, his mouth full of fried cheese sticks before swallowing and coughing.

Squall keeps looking out into the swarm of people on the floor dancing to the music that had too much bass for his pleasure. There were girls dressed in revealing clothes that should have been more for the summer instead of in the dead of winter, guys that were having too much fun with the girls who had drank too much, and then the people like them who were on the sidelines, eating and joking around.

"Selphie, comes with me to get a drink!" Rinoa slurs, moving towards Selphie who is sitting on the end of the booth. Selphie stands up with a wobble, taking Rinoa's hand and pulling her towards the bar.

Squall shakes his head, sighing while running his hand through his hair. Quistis reaches across the table, tapping his plate with a fork to get his attention.

"She's going to regret this," she yells over the music, but she has a slight smile on her face, "But at least she seems to be having fun."

"Too much fun," Irvine laughs, finishing his beer with a long gulp, "How many drinks has she had?"

"I lost count," Squall said, shrugging, "She's with us. She's safe here."

He turns his body to the end of the booth, looking out into the crowd of people. The light blue of Rinoa's shirt couldn't be seen anywhere and neither could the yellow of Selphie's. Squall scans slower, narrowing his eyes and wondering if maybe he needs glasses since he still couldn't find the two of them.

Zell taps his shoulder and Squall turns around, irritated, worried and borderline getting ready to go search for his girlfriend before he sees Zell's hand raise, pointing right in front of his eyes.

Squall sees two sihlouettes at the bar until his eyes finally focus to what exactly is in front of him. He sees the yellow of Selphie's dress constrasting with the bright lights that flash from above. Beside her, he can barely make out the baby blue shirt that his girlfriend is wearing since it seems to just blend in with the brightness behind her that is the display of various alcohols and spirits. Rinoa spins around, her hair whipping around her face as she stumbles, sending a shockwave across Squall's spine.

Either way, Squall knows he's not going to win. If he takes his drunken girlfriend off of the bar he'll be considered that boyfriend who ruined his girlfriend's fun as well as the guys who were cheering her and her friend seated around them. Although he doesn't care much about what other thinks, he wants Rinoa to be safe and he knows that there are a multitude of spilled drinks already splashed across the wooden bar judging by Selphie's unstable dance moves to the rock music that echoed throughout the small space. He wants to take her off, carry her back to the hotel room and say enough is enough – that it's not her twenty first birthday again and she knows better not to drink this much.

Then there is the angel on his right shoulder, telling him to look at the corny smile spread across Rinoa's face as she reaches towards Selphie, holding her hands and moving from side to side with her hips and shoulders. Rinoa's having fun; something she definitely hasn't had in months due to the depression taking over her system. He knows it's the drunken kind of fun, the messy kind where you can't walk straight and your words are slurred but perhaps she needs a night out with her friends with some liquid luck to get her back in the swing of who she truly is.

Squall thinks to himself, _that doesn't make sense considering alcohol is a depressant…also why is the bartender allowing them to dance on the top of this bar? Selphie must have done something..._

Shaking his head, he sighs and looks to Quistis. She's the most moral out of all of them and tends to be their guide when they don't know what to do. He doesn't even have to ask as he looks at the blonde; she shrugs her shoulders and looks at the two girls. She sees Rinoa smiling and dancing, now turning her back to Selphie while still holding her hand. Selphie spins Rinoa and their echoes could be heard over the cheering and taunts of the men near them.

"You can wait until she falls off, or go buy a drink and see if she gets the message." Quistis yells to him, leaning on her elbows to get closer. "I doubt she will though."

"Wait until she falls off it is," Irvine says, raising his third beer to the dancing girls on the bar. "I'm sure one of the guys will catch her."

Squall feels his stomach knot at the mentioning of another man putting their hands on his girlfriend, especially in the current predicament she's in now. She's vulnerable, drunk, and is known for making poor decisions even when she's sober-when she's drunk, it tends to be a lot worse. He raises out of the booth, pulling a ten gil note out of his wallet and walks towards the bar.

He keeps his eyes on Rinoa the whole time, hoping either her or Selphie will notice but they don't until Squall orders his drink. Rinoa looks down and beams at him, leaving Selphie alone to dance as she kneels down on the bar, reaching towards him.

"You're so haaaaaaandsome," she coos, running her hand through his hair, "You have beautiful eyes, Sir."

He's trying not to laugh. Rinoa's words are slurred so bad she sounds like a two year old who just learned how to talk, but he wants to keep his face straight so Rinoa knows that her time of dancing on the bar is over. Selphie can do what she wants considering Irvine is probably enjoying the show from afar but Rinoa is his.

Besides, even though the war has been over for some time now, they're still in the public eye and he doesn't want Rinoa seeing herself plastered on any newspapers anytime soon. It's not good for her image.

"Here you go, Sir," the bartender says, handing Squall his whiskey on the rocks. Squall gives him the ten gil, telling him to keep the change, before Rinoa reaches forward, pulling herself into his arms.

The Commander wobbles even though he's had far less to drink than she, put off guard by the sudden public contact. Guys are cheering, patting him on the back and saying congratulations when they have not the slightest idea that she's been his girlfriend for four years now. He rolls his eyes, managing to carry not only his drink but his drunken girlfriend who was now whispering dirty nothings into his ear.

He sits down, placing the tumbler glass on the table while keeping Rinoa on his lap. She's running her fingertips across his neck and he gets chills. He turns his head from side to side to shake off the feeling but she keeps doing it.

"Could you stop?" He whispers to her, "You've had too much to drink."

"Aaaaaaaaand?" Rinoa replies, smiling deviously, "I'm having fun. Didn't you guys want me to have fun?"

"It seems like you're having a blast, darling," Irvine says, laughing as he sits back and watches Squall shudder. Quistis just chuckles to herself, keeping an eye on Selphie as Zell eats another plate of loaded potato skins.

The raven haired girl leans her head on his shoulder, tracing her fingertips down Squall's abdomen to his stomach. "I love you."

Squall places his head against hers, turning to give her a quick kiss on the forehead before wrapping his arms around her. He tells her he loves her too, quietly, since he hates this type of public affection. It's big for him to let her sit on his lap in such a circumstance. That time in outer space when it was just them is one thing, but to be in such the public eye and with their friends is another.

Even after four years of being together, he still feels as if stuff like this should be private and between him and Rinoa. It's just how he always was. When couples would make out in the middle of the halls in Balamb, it just put him completely off guard. He considers it rude and off-putting, so he figures if he doesn't like the look of it, why should he do it himself?

Besides, Squall's a private person; the fact that he thinks like this is no surprise.

"…Squall…" Rinoa looks up at him, her eyes glossy, "I don't feel good…"

"Here come the chunks." Zell says, watching Rinoa intently. Everyone at the table is. Even Selphie jumped down from the bar, skating her way across the room to sit down and make sure everything was okay with the girl.

"Is she gonna be sick?" She asks, watching as Squall lifts Rinoa up, holding her close.

"I'm taking her back to the hotel. I'll see you in the morning."

There's a chorus of 'bye's' and 'feel better Rinoa' ringing in his ears as he walks out of the bar with Rinoa in his arms, thankful when he feels the soundwaves being contained by the building when the door shuts behind them. He walks slowly, making sure not to rock Rinoa too much because he doesn't want to throw out his clothing.

He wouldn't be able to wash it since the hotel doesn't have washing machines. Let alone the hotel probably wouldn't be too impressed with vomit soaked clothes being washed in their appliances.

"I'm sorry I drank so much…" Rinoa apologizes, keeping her head down and her eyes shut, "I had fun, though…"

"That's all that matters," Squall replies, feeling the strain in his arms and forearms from carrying her.

 _I need to start working out again,_ he thinks, _I'm getting old. I remember when I carried her all the way from FH to Esthar…_

"Thank you for coming out with me." She says, "I had fun."

Squall chuckles **,** she was repeating herself now, "I know you did, Rin. I'm happy you did."

"And I think that I'll feel better soon."

"Of course."

"Once I vomit and sleep."

They're silent until they get to their hotel room. Squall locks the door behind them as Rinoa dashes to the bathroom, hitting the side of the entrance way on the way before falling to her knees and vomiting in the toilet. Squall sighs, putting the key card on the table beside the entrance door before walking into the bathroom, kneeling beside her and pulling up her hair.

He rubs her back, knowing that it's soothing to her until she's done. Tears are running down her face and he knows she hates throwing up more than anything else in the world. He remembers the last time she had food poisoning from a sushi place that had just opened; Rinoa was up throwing up all night and she cried the entire night, saying how much pain she was in and how her throat burned so bad. That was the only time Squall had taken off work because neither of them had slept.

When she pulls away, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and reaches forward to flush the toilet. She's less pale in color now as the flush returns to her cheeks. Squall watches her sit back on the tile floor, sighing.

"I hate doing that."

"I know, but do you feel better?"

Rinoa nods, "I drank a lot."

"That you did."

Squall turns around, running the bath water and pouring in some soap to create bubbles. Pulling Rinoa up by the hands, he cups her cheeks in his hands, kissing her forehead before pulling her shirt over her head and discarding it to the floor. Rinoa wraps her arms around herself as she shudders from the sudden cold in the bathroom as Squall unbuttons her leggings and pushes them down for her to step out of. He holds her hand as she does so, making sure she doesn't wobble and trip as she also kicks off her boots.

Rinoa looks down at herself, noticing her hip bones protruding a lot more than they used to. Her breasts have also shrunk; shehadn't noticed until nowthat her bra was a tad too big in cup size. She sighs, wrapping her arms around herself again but not from being cold, but from being ashamed. She had lost more weight than she would like to admit from the lack of eating these past couple of months.

She had let her body be abused for too long. She had let her curves waste away.

Squall pulls her arms away, looking her in the eye before wrapping his arms around her back to unfasten her bra. He turns away to check the temperature of the water, letting her take off her underwear at her leisure. Once the water is hot enough and the bubbles are high enough, he helps her step into the bath.

She sinks into the water and bubbles, sighing at the relief from the cold as the hot water engulfs her body. Squall undresses quickly, getting in behind her in the large bathtub, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"How do you feel?" He asks, cupping water in his hands and pouring it over her shoulders and hair.

Rinoa replies, "Safe…comfortable. Happy."

A smile tugs at Squall's lips while he leans back and rests his head against the wall behind him.

"That's the best thing you've said in a while."

"Granted my throat burns a lot and I still taste vomit in my mouth but aside from that, I feel good."

"So," Squall begins, "Would you say that Operation: Finding Rinoa is a success?"

Rinoa turns her head. She has an eyebrow raised in question, "Huh?"

"When you went to bed the night that we decided we were coming here, Selphie was saying that this is a mission to make you happy. She decided to call it 'Operation: Finding Rinoa,' since she said it was like we were going to find who you used to be. I said it was impossible considering you're a much different person now than you were when you were seventeen years old when we first met. Then Zell said that wasn't the point and Selphie called me a 'buzz kill' and Irvine said that Selphie's name was cute."

"What did Quistis do?"

"She was too busy planning the entire thing since the others are too dim to actually book and pay for tickets."

Rinoa giggles, resting her head against Squall's chest.

"I'll never be who I was before, you're right…" Rinoa searches through the water, finding Squall's hands at her hips. She intertwines her fingers with his, sighing, "But I'm always going to have this problem. I just need to manage it better and take care of myself. That's all. That's sweet though, that you guys did this for me."

"We would do it for the others too," Squall replies.

Rinoa scoffed, incredulous, "You would be less willing if it wasn't me. You would tell them to figure it out on their own."

Squall doesn't reply because he knows she's correct.

They sit in the bathtub together, silent, until the bubbles have all popped and the water feels much colder than when they had originally entered the gets out first, wrapping a towel around his waist before he extends his hand to Rinoa, helping her to her feet since they're still wobbly.

He wraps a towel around her and they both get dried off, switching into their pajamas that they had put in there earlier in the day. As Squall opens the door to the main room, he hears chattering.

"How long do you think they'll be in there?"

"I don't know but it's been half an hour."

"What are they doing?"

"That's none of your business."

"How the hell did you guys get into our room?" Squall asks; he's irritated at walking out and seeing the four friends in their room. Quistis is on the other side, knowing better to steer clear of Squall's privacy invasion, sitting at the desk while the other four are in a circle on the ground.

"Oh we just said that you had forgotten your key. And then Zell flashed his SeeD badge and we got one." Irvine replies, smirking at the two. Rinoa walks out of the bathroom behind Squall, scrunching her hair dry with a towel. She looks up and blushes, giggling.

"How are you feeling Rinoa?" Quistis asks, leaning forward to see more of her frame from behind Squall.

"Better. I threw up though."

"I did too," Selphie says, making a face, "Irvine made me so I didn't feel worse in the morning."

Squall strides forward, grabbing a bottle of water from the mini fridge in the armoire where the television sits. He sits on the bed, crossing his legs and waits for Rinoa to join him.

"Is there a reason for you to intrude in on our privacy?" he asks, watching as Rinoa walks out of the bathroom and gets into bed beside Squall. He hands her the open bottle having already unscrewed the cap for her, motioning for her to drink.

"We were on our way back from the bar and we were thinking about how much things have changed since we came back from the war." Quistis replies, "And while I didn't agree with sneaking into your room, it made us all think about our lives right now."

"Things were simpler when we were fighting," Zell says, "For all of us. And Selphie reminded us of when we first got back and we all ended up in your room."

"Oh!" Rinoa exclaims, smiling, "I remember that."

"Yeah, how you two walked out of the bathroom and Rinoa was only in a towel." Irvine says, winking.

"For the last time, the shower wasn't draining." Squall sighs, leaning back on his empire of pillows. "I wasn't wet at all."

"But anyways, we just remembered that we…we couldn't sleep without each other there. You and Rinoa were in your bed and we just fell asleep in the same room all together since we didn't like being without the others."

"We felt more protected," Selphie says, "And safe. And I guess we just wanted Rinoa to feel like that. So that's why we came here…to make it like four years ago when we returned."

Rinoa smiles sincerely, pulling her knees up to her chest. She looks around at her friends, at her boyfriend, feeling loved and safe for the first time.

Perhaps she had been doing it wrong all along – secluding herself from everyone else since she just didn't want to hurt them more than she already was. Maybe she needed them more than she would like to admit. They're more than her friends now, they're her family, and she needed their support. Of course, it came at the worst possible timing but she's glad, in this moment, that they're here for her.

"I love all of you, so much." She says, "Thank you for all of this. Granted, just these couple of days aren't going to make me permanently better but…I feel better, knowing that you are here for me."

"We always will be," Quistis says, "Even though we're sometimes far apart."

"This is so CORNY!" Selphie cheers, "I love it!"

The group laughs, aside from Squall, who reaches silently to take Rinoa's hand. Quistis, Selphie, Irvine and Zell go to grab their blankets and pillows before they nestle into the ground while Rinoa and Squall remain on their bed like they did four years ago.

Rinoa never slept so soundly until that night.

* * *

 **Authors Note: This was a long one! It took ages to do. Originally it was going to be two chapters but I confined them into once considering the ending for The Successor Challenge is coming far too soon! I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed - I take your comments to heart and really appreciate the criticism. There is so much love here! Also, a special big thank you, hug and kiss to Rin Seren who beta'd this chapter for me. She tidied it up and cleaned it up and I so appreciate it.**

 **There will be a final smaller chapter - an epilogue if you will. Stay tuned! And thanks again for all the continued support.**


End file.
